I haven't been blogging, oh wait not a secret. That is a fact.
Would like to know the reason why I haven't been blogging?
There are of course the excuses....... been busy, tired, gone, on vacation, out of ides, nothing good going on, and on, and on, and on, I could go. However, those are just excuses. I have several times sat down to write blogs. I have written many in my head through out the day, and have had a few decent ones to boot. So why no blogs?
Well, I like to do things "right." Meaning the way I have envisioned them. Several months ago I set out to write about Fat Tuesdays. A blog about my journey with weight, eating, food, exercise, etc. In my mind I would do this as an accountability step, eat right, exercise, be happy, happy, happy about it, and in the end reap the wonderful results of loosing weight. It was going well until vacation.
No, I didn't cheat big. Actually I had small cheats here and there. A soda on the long drive, or an ice cream with the family one afternoon. For the most part I ate well, walked daily, swam daily, and over the week didn't really gain or loose. However, one thing I failed to do was keep my mind focused on the whys of what I was doing, and I began to let all the stuff I had worked for in the previous weeks fade.
It wasn't just the choices in food, but the mindset behind them. Instead of judging if I was hungry or bored I just ate. I didn't think about whether I felt upset and had an amazing need for a soda I just got one. It would help take the stress away. Was I tired or hungry never really entered my mind, and if it did I just rationalized not having time to rest and grabbed the nearest Pepsi or sugary treat.
So the reason I haven't been blogging is I have a sin, and I don't want it to be exposed. I have an addiction to food. I have made it an idol again in my life. Instead of eating to live I totally am living to eat. Instead of rest, prayer, and exercise to life my spirits and bring me joy. I like those silly little Israelites of the Old Testament am looking to a false god to fill me up, and all it is doing is creating a bigger void. Not to mention totally stealing my self-confidence in being able to change these horrible habits.
Now the questions is how to get back on the right path. This journey seems to be the one where I struggle to follow the narrow road. I keep hopping into the main stream of food will fix it.
Today I will read God's promises for my life and remind myself of the role my diet and exercise play in that. I will also make a game plan for the week so that I am ready.
Jesus assured us we would have trouble, and at times I feel like a complete doofus to say that my temptation is food. That's the reality though, and I know that in my weakness I can be made strong.
So I will boast in the Lord and lean on Him to help me refocus and begin again.
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