Lets Get Real

Today's blog is a link up with Hearts at Home sooooooo........ the topic was chosen for me.  Which is why I'm blogging really.  Other than it was on my list for today. 

Having a perfect home is a reality I have given up a long time ago.  Well, maybe not the perfect as in clean, organized, or beautifully decorated (it is none of these).  Rather the actual person make up of my home is well not perfect.  I have a house full of hurt, some angry, some bitter, all pretty normal kids, but only two of them are biologically mine.  Because of this my home will forever have a huge tear in it.  I don't say this to sound mean or cynical.  It's just that God created the family for a reason.  The longer I do this the more I realize that the umbilical chord does more than just connect the baby with it's mother for nine months.  I realize more and more that the moments they talk about in the hours after birth where a baby connects with its mother are HUGE.  As well as those early years.  By no means do I mean to say that I can not and do not have loving motherly relationships with my kids, but it's not the same.  We have quite the mixture, and all seem to at one point or another have a longing for their mom.  More so even then their dad. 

For me this has been the hardest thing in this ministry.  When I started I thought I would have wounded kids run to my arms and look up at my with loving eyes.  They would love me like I love them, and well be my kids.  That was not reality.  In loving my kids I also make myself a target for all the anger, pain, bitterness, and frustration they have toward their biological mom.  The one that gave them life, and in doing so was suppose to love and care for them, but for whatever reason (and it really doesn't matter) isn't taking care of them.  I have had kids say that they loved their birthday, but after having moped around the house would admit they were sad because their mom was suppose to do this kind of stuff and hadn't even called.  I've had kids who knew in their heads that mom hadn't changed, but had to leave and find out for themselves.  Then there is the fantasy they carry that the "real" mom is perfect, and would love them so much better then I would.  Or there is just the anger that they would like to take out on Mom, but she isn't here and I wear that title.   

How do I make peace with that? 

That is a tough one.  I really wasn't hoping this blog would be depressing but I wanted to write something real for those who are in a blended family, raising their grand kids, nieces/nephews, fostering or have adopted. 

The only way I have found to make peace with this is to know it is what God called me to do, and that his grace is sufficient in my weakness.  When I don't know what to say to a hurting kid.  Holding them and praying . God will hear my plea.  On days where they all seem intent on pushing my buttons and exposing my insecurities I will remember that I am not perfect, but that I am perfectly loved.  I will also lean hard on God's Word, and remember that it is full of situations that worn torn in two.  Yet he made beauty from ashes, and a perfect plan through imperfect people.  I will look to Hosea and his selfless love for Gomer, and to Nehemiah's extreme focus and dedication. 

I will make peace with knowing that my home may not be perfect now, but I will pray that someday my children will be with me in a perfect home with our Heavenly Father.  It is my job to them an unconditional love so that they can understand the way their Heavenly Father loves them.   Only a million times better.  Only through teaching my kids about Jesus can I look forward to the perfect home with them in Heaven.