The Truth about Mother's Day

Disclaimer:  This is not meant to make anyone feel guilty, or to diminish the holiday of Mother's Day.  Just a note to help others remember that although a great holiday for many.  It like other holidays can be filled with mixed emotions for an ever growing group of kids and adults.

This is our family (currently):

 

 

 

Actually to date we have had 28 kiddos live in our home, but for now this is the crew.  Two are biologically ours.  Two have lived here longer then Titus, our oldest biological kid.  Two have lived with us more then five years.  The other three have yet to make it to their first year anniversary in our home.  Some have Mom's they know.  Most wouldn't know their biological mom if she walked up to them at Walmart and shook their hand.  For these there have been other moms before me. 

 

So this is how it feels on Mother's Day at our house (some years more then others):

 

You see Mother's Day is a mixed bag of tricks.  If you are a step-mom, foster mom, adoptive mom, or raising someone else's child you may be able to relate.  Some years I have literally cried most of the day as one child after another looks for ways to make the day horrible (yelling and screaming while I try to nap, throwing a fit and acting like we never let them out of their cages when we go out to lunch, destroying something of importance, reminding me numerous times I am not their "real" mom, accidentally dropping the flowers we are planting that they bought and then stepping on them accidentally, the list could go on).  Other years everything seems to go well until the end of a meal, a trip out, or bedtime.  When they unload all the anger of the day on....... MOM. 

 

Many people think that our kids are full of gratitude, thankfulness, and joy over being blessed to live in our home.  Ummmmmm..... not so much.  Although some come to accept and appreciate life at Shiloh, and even to connect and bond with us as parents.  I'm not sure any would voluntarily sign up for the gig, including our own.  It is hard, especially for those long term kids that deal with the loss of the ones who come and go. Not to mention God created the family, and when it is broken no matter at what stage it has a negative impact.  Many are filled with anger, bitterness, and sadness.  Anger for having to be here.  Anger about me doing what their mom should be (often this is when they like something I have done, and later sabotage it out of guilt and anger).  Anger over the fact that their mom wasn't what she was suppose to be.  Bitterness over years missed, and the ever present idea that something else was more important then they were.  Of course lots of sadness for the loss of that precious relationship between mother and child.  I am ever reminded that God created the mother child bond, and it is AMAZINGLY strong and needed in life.

 

Often I set myself up.  Thinking that somehow this Mother's Day will be like the ones on the Sears commercial or Hallmark movie.  Then all to quickly it turns south heading straight for the hot and miserable equator.  I myself struggle with how to love kids that resist.  How to not have favorites or give prejudice to some.  There is the reality that the kids that have lived here longer mean more because there is a bond of trust and love that has developed over time.  There is the struggle with the ungratefulness after the sacrifices we have made for them.  You can begin to see how the day can turn into a big ol' pile of junk FAST. 

 

So this Mother's Day I am finally going to accept it will probably not be a day of love and kindness (although there are ones who do say thanks, give hugs and gifts, and try to be good all day).  It will be a day filled with many emotions from all.  However, it is a day to remember why I do what I do, and that my sacrifice is nothing compared to Christ's.  It is a day to deal with the feelings of hurt and abandonment the kids carry and to talk about a Father who will never leave or forsake them. 

 

So this Mother's Day if you say Happy Mother's Day to one of the moms listed above and they give you the look.  The, "Yeah, ... sure it's 'happy,'" look.  Give them a hug (or not) and a prayer.  If you have been blessed to have a great mom, and be a great mom to great kids.  Thank God and help others.  I also thank God, because I never want to forget the mom's who want to be or those with empty arms each year either. 

 

This song hit me today.  It makes me (the never really cries girl) tear up every time.  This is what I want.  More then a nap, flowers, lunch out, gifts, or a card. 

 

 

 





I pray that I leave a legacy of love that leads to Jesus for my kids.

 

Blessings,

Dennae



 

A Little Secret

I want to let you in on a little secret. 

I haven't been blogging, oh wait not a secret.  That is a fact. 

Would like to know the reason why I haven't been blogging?

There are of course the excuses....... been busy, tired, gone, on vacation, out of ides, nothing good going on, and on, and on, and on, I could go.  However, those are just excuses.  I have several times sat down to write blogs.  I have written many in my head through out the day, and have had a few decent ones to boot.  So why no blogs? 



Well, I like to do things "right."  Meaning the way I have envisioned them.  Several months ago I set out to write about Fat Tuesdays.  A blog about my journey with weight, eating, food, exercise, etc.  In my mind I would do this as an accountability step, eat right, exercise, be happy, happy, happy about it, and in the end reap the wonderful results of loosing weight.  It was going well until vacation.

No, I didn't cheat big.  Actually I had small cheats here and there.  A soda on the long drive, or an ice cream with the family one afternoon.  For the most part I ate well, walked daily, swam daily, and over the week didn't really gain or loose.  However, one thing I failed to do was keep my mind focused on the whys of what I was doing, and I began to let all the stuff I had worked for in the previous weeks fade. 

It wasn't just the choices in food, but the mindset behind them.  Instead of judging if I was hungry or bored I just ate.  I didn't think about whether I felt upset and had an amazing need for a soda I just got one.  It would help take the stress away.  Was I tired or hungry never really entered my mind, and if it did I just rationalized not having time to rest and grabbed the nearest Pepsi or sugary treat. 

So the reason I haven't been blogging is I have a sin, and I don't want it to be exposed.  I have an addiction to food.  I have made it an idol again in my life.  Instead of eating to live I totally am living to eat.  Instead of rest, prayer, and exercise to life my spirits and bring me joy.  I like those silly little Israelites of the Old Testament am looking to a false god to fill me up, and all it is doing is creating a bigger void.  Not to mention totally stealing my self-confidence in being able to change these horrible habits. 

Now the questions is how to get back on the right path.  This journey seems to be the one where I struggle to follow the narrow road.  I keep hopping into the main stream of food will fix it. 

Today I will read God's promises for my life and remind myself of the role my diet and exercise play in that.  I will also make a game plan for the week so that I am ready.

Jesus assured us we would have trouble, and at times I feel like a complete doofus to say that my temptation is food.  That's the reality though, and I know that in my weakness I can be made strong. 
So I will boast in the Lord and lean on Him to help me refocus and begin again.

Exercise

So this week was a little ruff.  Oh wait I haven't blogged in two weeks.  Well the first week was great.  The last was RUFF! 

Why you ask?
Well it was crazy busy.  I am about to begin mother natures cycle again so that has me feeling tired, bloated, and VERY IRRITABLE!  Then there are the food cravings that come.  So I have tried to be nice to my family, without eating all yummy things people keep posting on Facebook.  For the most part I have succeeded, but my scale is saying that it wasn't a grand slam type success.  By the way the scale went on the fritz this week too.  So I went from elated I was still loosing to devastated in two minutes as it gave a 7 pound weight difference.  (We have a new scale.)

So what am I going to do about it?  Well, luckily I have an amazingly adventurous husband, and an insane neighbor. 

The biggest key ever to my weight loss/physical health and mental stability has always been physical activity(aka exercise), but here are my thoughts on that.

 Yep, a big old frown face.  I hate it.  I literally cry at times looking at the treadmill.  Probably why I am chubby.  I know all the physical benefits that far out weigh the weight loss that come with exercise as well, but I still don't like it.  Especially in the morning.  Back to that crazy neighbor.  I have been  jogging (using the term loosely here) a couple days a week.  Outside if I can.  Well my neighbor has seen me, and thus has gotten inspiration to do so himself.  He is registered for a mud run at the end of April so that is also motivation.  He keeps posting about his runs, outside, in the snow, seeing such amazing things.  Each time I think.  I can do that.  I also feel guilt over inspiring someone, when in reality I am doing horrible at it. 

Then there is the moment last night that I out loud with my husband listening said, "I am going to get up and run in the morning.  I don't want to be depressed next week on vacation, because I didn't do what I could have this week."
So this morning at 6:00 he woke me up (he has a pledge not to do this due to the potential for physical and emotional damages).  At 6:12 I stumbled downstairs and onto the machine.  I turned on the news and Christian praise music (it was a lots of distractions type morning).  I started slow, and sped up to my max 4.0.  Yep that's it.  Tried to go 4.2 last week, and was ready to get off in under 2 minutes.  So I'm staying at 4.0 for a while.  I ran for 15 minutes, and then went and took my shower.  It wasn't easy or a lot, but I did it.  Got it done, and out of the way.   

I have to say...............I feel great.  It is sunny out today, and I'm thinking that if I get my to do list done I could go out and take a walk in the snow with Ezra.  Maybe do a few crunches and some hand weights tonight while I watch Duck Dynasty with the kids.  Once I start it seems so much easier to keep going.  I guess it is like that with lots of things in life the laundry, cleaning, monthly bill paying, all those undesirable tasks that we build up to bigger then they are.  So I say that to say this. You can do it.  Small steps, small changes, for LIFE.  That is what I'm striving for.  

 

 



 Hope these inspire you today like the did me.  (My husband said once I looked like a T-Rex running.  He really doesn't appreciate his physical well being ;)

Although I didn't loose a bunch this week.  I also did not gain.  I'm still lower then I was last month at this time, and it seems to be a four pounds down, two pounds up kind of time for me.  The important thing is that I keep making it do able so that it becomes a life change not just a diet. 

Going to try avocado pudding this week.  Will take pictures, save properly, and let you know how it turns out. 

Be strong in the LORD!

 

Not So Perfect Menu Monday

So last week I planned ahead, and made a great, easy, fairly low cost, quick, and delicious dinner for Menu Monday.  It was even low carb.  I got out my wonderful camera that my hubby bought for me last fall, and took lots of pictures.  All while my kids asked tons of questions : "Why are you taking pictures of raw chicken?" "Why are you taking pictures of cheese and mayo mixed together?" "Why are you taking pictures of your plate?" "What is your blog about?" "Do you write about us (think of a a kid asking for candy or ice cream)?"

So I prepared, took pictures.  Made great healthy side dishes.  Patted myself on the back for a blog well thought out, planned ahead, and healthy and delicious. 

AND!!!!!!!

Stupidly lost the pictures when I went to upload them on the computer.  Yep.  THEY ARE GONE! Like goldfish in the church nursery.  Like hair ties owned by a teenage.  Like sanity. 

So for Menu Monday I hope to recreate the super healthy and easy menu.  It will however have stolen pictures from another site.  Mine didn't look like that. 

So after much frustration the menu is.......

Parmesan and Mayo Chicken, with steamed cheesy broccoli, salad, and fried apples

Lets start with the Parm/Mayo Chicken :)




 

Mine was a bit chunkier because I used fresh grated versus the kind that you put on spaghetti.  Either one works though.  You can get the fresh grated at Aldi's.

 

 

Ingredients (for a family of 4):

4 breast (you could use legs, thighs, or chicken tenders, which are cheaper)

1 cup Parmesan

1 cup mayo

salt, pepper, garlic powder

 

Directions:

Preheat oven to 425 degrees.  I put foil to line the pan.  Makes clean up a breeze.  You could also put this together real quick the night before so when you walk in from work or that meeting you can stick it in, and in 30 minutes or less be eating.  Mix the cheese, mayo, and seasonings.  Some recipes use 1cup mayo, 1/2 cup parm, 1/2 cup bread crumbs.  That doesn't get with my low carb life, so I just do the 1:1 ratio.  Once mixed smear on the chicken.  I just do the top side, and pretty much cover them up. Bake 25-30 minutes depending on thickness and cut.  Tenders could take 20 minutes while a large leg will take 30 minutes.

 

I also made seasoned potatoes for the kiddos and hubby.  Basically take your fav seasoning.  I used an Italian dressing packet, a few tablespoons of olive oil, cube one potato per person, mix, put on a foil or greased pan.  Bake at 425 degrees for 30 minutes or more.  I put the potatoes in before I began mixing and preparing the chicken.

 

Fix a steamed veggie (if you hold back a little Parmesan it goes really nicely :) or salad.

 

This is a go to meal for those nights where life is crazy.  My kids and my hubby know how to make it.  It's quick, easy, healthy, and something my kids LOVE.  For leftover day Saturday at lunch (we always have leftovers Saturday for lunch) my hubby hid the last piece for me. 

You can also do this with Tilapia,which is AMAZING!  You could probably do it on a minute steak too.

 

Hope you enjoy and sorry for my lack of true pictures.  Maybe next time. 

 

EAT WITH YOUR FAMILY THIS WEEK!  

 IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE IN THEIR LIFE :)

 

 



 

The Craziness of Life

Since last Tuesday I have probably written over 20 blogs in my head on random things about my weight loss attempts, journey, struggle, victory.  However, yesterday gave me some clarity for today's idea.

As you probably have figured out I didn't blog yesterday.  Why?????  It was one of those days. Those days when you get out of bed (late), after not getting on the treadmill, step on the scale and realize.  Yep!  Really did need to get on the treadmill.  Then you get in the shower and stare at the shower wall.  Somehow hoping you will have a fever, vomit, anything, because the day ahead is one of those that is going to either go great or go crazy.  One of those days where if (BIG IF) everything goes on track you will get everything done, and have a few minutes at the end of the night to see your spouse.  Of course if it doesn't you will have to abandon the least important tasks, and work hard not to take emotional hostages of your kids and husband through the crazy. As well as not to eat yourself into a diabetic coma. 

We all know these days.  We all have them, and for many who struggle with self-medication, comfort eating, or stress eating these days usually mean lots of soda, a candy bar in the check out line, and grabbing fast food for dinner.  If not this day for me often the next day would be filled with treats.  Treats like cookies, candy bars, Sonic ice cream, etc. to reward myself for the previous days "hard work."

So how did I do yesterday?  GREAT!  Yep, I did.  Luckily the night before I had read a chapter in Lysa TerKeurst's book Made to Crave.  I love this book, and am reading it for the second time.  Slowly going back over chapters, and really searching for the Biblical truths that are true in my life.  Food is a major center piece in many of our favorite stories from Adam and Eve, to the Israelites in the dessert, exile in Babylon, and even Jesus first miracle and last meal.  This book really pertains to me, because soooooooo much of my eating comes from my emotional state, and my need to fill a void or struggle with food, that really needs God.  So armed with some key thoughts like my eating should not be tied to my emotions, and that the candy bar would not make the day go better or my anxiety go away.  So I followed this great saying....

You know what?  Yesterday I ate great!  I had a busy but good day where I got some good quality time in with five of my nine kids, and even lost a little weight.  Not every bad day is like that, but yesterday was.  Yesterday proved to me that I could do this.  No matter the circumstances I could be joyful like Paul writes in Philippians. 

Five HUGE tools I had yesterday on my side. 
1. I had memorized scripture to go to.

Joshua 24:15 But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord

 

1Peter 5:7  "Cast all your anxiety upon Him for He cares for you."

2. Coffee/hot tea.  A good cup always helps.  At lunch I had a few minutes so I made some coffee, and it was a welcome jolt of caffeine and a few moments of warmth.

3. Some low carb almond joy cookies that I had made the night before for someone who was just getting into this low carb thing, but wanted something kind of sweet.  You can find the recipe here. www.ibreatheimhungry.com   THEY ARE WONDERFUL!  This blog has a ton of good, easy, and healthy low carb/gluten free recipes. 

4. I had a help mate who is Mr. Calm, and who loves, encourages, and cheers me on.

5. REALITY!  Life is going to get messed up, and I won't deal with it great every time.  BUT The more I lean on Biblical truth the less I will fall into the world's doubts, lies, and anxiety.

Praying for your journey this week!  I leave tomorrow for a three day mommy conference called Hearts at Home (click to find out more).  I can't wait, but I want to stay on track with my eating.  I'll write next week about that.



Fat Tuesday

Ok so the whole Menu Monday thing kind of crashed and died the last few weeks.  We have either been gone, or eating leftovers.  Will try to feed my family something yummy and nutritious this week so I can take pictures and blog about it.  I have felt a call of sorts to blog about something very personal, and yet very real in so many people's lives. 

Weight



So I have made it a goal for a while to blog every Tuesday about my struggle/success with getting healthy by loosing weight.

My goal is to be around 140, which means I have to loose between 40-50 pounds. 



This picture was taken about a year ago, but my weight is still the same.  Hopefully this year at the beach it will be less :)



The time frame for this is the next year. 

The way I am planning to do it is by a simple idea: EAT LESS and MOVE MORE
I know, I know more info please. 

Well, here is my short story:
I have been diagnosed with PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) and low thyroid hormones so that influences the way I have decided to tackle this challenge.  Being told I had these two things was a bittersweet blessing.  I finally knew there was a reason I have so much dark hair all over my body in places girls don't usually have hair, a very low voice, irregular cycles, and I began to crack the depression issue I had struggled with for years.  In high school I was very active and a fairly average weight for my height and age.  Over the course of my four years of college I added about twenty pounds.  Then came our move to Shiloh that added yet another ten to fifteen pounds.  Then came babies....Ahhhhhh!  I eat because I love food, but more often I eat to comfort myself, reward myself, or because I am tired.

So I have chosen a low carb eating plan.  One it helps to keep my mood stable (more stable), which my husband and kids love.  Two it was recommended by an endocrinologist and my personal physician who helped me with other hormone issues so it keeps life flowing and from what I have read if done well is healthy.  Three it is easy and somewhat thought less when I need it to be (with hard cheese, meat sticks, 70% cocoa chocolate, and nuts I can find a quick snack).



As far as moving more right now I am doing Jillian's 30 Day Shred as well as random things with the kids (skating, playing in the snow, Bonkers).

Over the course of the next several Tuesdays I hope to blog about a few topics: My struggles, my successes, how eating affects my mood, recipes and websites that I love for low carb stuff, and whatever else you would like me to divulge within reason. 

My prayer is that this is a way for me to be accountable for the choices I make concerning eating and exercise.  More then that I hope to encourage and help others who feel they are trapped in a body that is heavier than they want, tired, and moody.  You are not alone, and there are simple things you can do daily.

Goal 1: This week take time to pray, read the Word, or rest if you feel the need to eat when you are not hungry.  Also, have a nice cold glass of water while you do these things.  I have found that because I eat when I am stressed, upset, or fatigued these activities help to stop me from eating, and give me the boost I need to jump back into my day.  Don't say you don't have time.  Most the time we eat in front of the TV, computer, or just sitting doing nothing.  Take those few minutes and do one of these activities instead.



Lent

What is it? 

According to Wikipedia it is:

Lent (Latin: Quadragesima) is a solemn observance in the liturgical year of many Christian denominations, lasting for a period of approximately six weeks leading up to Easter Sunday. In the general Latin-rite and most Western denominations Lent is taken to run from Ash Wednesday to Maundy Thursday (Holy Thursday) morning or to Easter Eve.


The traditional purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer—through prayer, penance, repentance, almsgiving, and self-denial. Its institutional purpose is heightened in the annual commemoration of Holy Week, marking the death and resurrection of Jesus, which recalls the events of the the Bible when Jesus is crucified on Good Friday, which then culminates in the celebration on Easter Sunday of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.

During Lent, many of the faithful commit to fasting or giving up certain types of luxuries as a form of penitence.

For me personally: 
I am not Catholic.  I am just a plain old Christ follower.  So why do lent?  Through the years it has not been a hard core discipline that I have done regularly.  Much like advent it seems to be one of those things I either plan, prepare, pray about, and do, or I just skip it.  Not sure what that says.

This year I thought about it.  Was aware that it was about time for Ash Wednesday, and thought about my life and those idols or things that I turn to instead of turning to God.  It is a time to set something apart for God in hope and preparation for what is to come.  The Lenten season lasts 40 days, which is a number often seen in the Bible as a time of testing, trying, and preparing. 

For me one of those things that takes the place of God, and becomes like an idol is a nice cold, bubbly, can, glass, or bottle of soda. 

On those afternoons when I'm tired, when I'm stressed, when I'm happy, or when I feel like a special treat my soda is always there to make it better.  The problem is that God is too, and he is the real answer to the problem.  When the day is long and kid issues pile up I need to spend time reading God's Word, praying, or doing a relaxing activity not just cracking open a soda.  On days when I'm tired I need to listen to my body and take a nap.  During happy days or special times I can find other ways to reward myself like an nice walk (which I need), an hour in the greenhouse, an hour reading, or getting things done so I can go to bed early.

For me lent is about letting go of something that is taking up too much of my life, and instead putting God or activities that focus on God into that space. 

Sunday's are the worst for giving up soda for me.  Since I was in junior high after church on Sundays I've had a nice cold soda.  It was a family tradition, and except for one other time when I gave up soda successfully for all of lent I have had one.  I won't lie there are times that I have to "go to the store for something."  I can usually think of something like milk or lettuce, but really the purpose is a soda.  I'm human.  If I were in the desert, and thought that the golden calf would give me Diet Dr. Pepper.  I may have been willing to donate my gold for it. 

So I will stay strong, drink, water, and pray when those feelings of tiredness and stress start to come up in my soul.  I will drink from the living water, and seek to serve Him. 

Sometimes you need to take a break from something or give up something not at a specific "holy" time. 

Have you ever given something up?  Are you giving something up for lent?  It's not too late!